Therefore, “on And Off” Relationships Can Be Torture

In many cases of dependent relationships, the people involved force a new beginning, where they try to start with blank sheets. The problem is that everything they have experienced before becomes a burden. 
Therefore, "on and off" relationships can be torture

Many people experience “on and off” conditions. That is, they stop and start again and again. From an outside perspective, this type of relationship has a problem that cannot be solved by looking up and getting back together.

This type of relationship arises when a couple is very united, has been together for a long time or when one of the parties (or both) has an emotional dependence.

All of these cases mean that the couple is not able to let go of the relationship. It also pushes them to try to give the relationship another chance. The problem with all of this is that the relationship ends up being a real nightmare.

The torture of repeated emotional pain

During life we ​​have to go through many types of pain. Pain from losing a loved one, a breakup with our partner, terminating an employment contract…

Pain is a difficult process that can lead to depression when not handled properly. People who have been in an “on and off” relationship are very used to the pain. However, they never reach the last part of the process.

couple crying

Let’s take a look at the different stages of pain and how people in these conditions can act in each of them:

  • Denial: The person denies that the relationship did not work. He or she does not want to face reality and even tries to pretend that nothing has happened. When the denial collapses, the person enters the next phase.
  • Anger: In this phase, the couple blames each other for the relationship, the problems they have and why it failed. It is a phase where the couple is only able to remember the negative things and can only see each other in anger.
  • Sadness: Here, after losing control of the very powerful feeling of anger, another appears. A deep, crippling sadness reminds the couple of the good times and gives a sense of nostalgia for why they remained a couple.
  • Negotiation: The couple tries to be together again, and in cases of “off and on” relationship, they will eventually be. The sadness reminds them how worth it all was, which pushes them to give the relationship another chance. They refuse to give up their relationship.

The last step is acceptance

To accept that the relationship did not work, to accept that there will be a new failure with every new chance you give the relationship.

However, the people involved in an “on and off” relationship do not want to accept that their relationship has an end.

This is the reason why the couple finally agree to give the relationship a second chance in the negotiation phase. They may agree on the premise that “I will change.”

“On and off” relationships and fear

The fact that unstable relationships can not reach the final stage of pain, and thus let go of the relationship to go a new way, has to do with fear.

People who have been with their partner for more than 6 or 8 years have lived through so many experiences together. They are so divided that it seems impossible not to fight for what they have.

Couples embrace each other - "On and off" relationship

Despite the fact that their breaches (which are often disguised as “I need a break”) mean that something is not working, they try to cling on at all costs.

It is common for a relationship to go through a crisis. However, it is not normal to look up and be together again and again. Doing this harms the people involved more and more.

At the same time, they are ignoring the root of the problem.

If both partners are dependent on each other, the same dilemma arises. “On and off” relationships manifest that life is impossible without the other, or living without a partner.

Sometimes letting go of a person can seem difficult and we may think that we can force a new beginning when we start again with blank sheets, but in reality it does not work that way.

What did not work will not work

What makes a couple end and start a relationship again several times? The cause can give us clues that tell us that we do not know how to face conflicts or that we crash into the same wall over and over again.

The problem may be that our personalities collide in some way. For example, we may have different views on life or incompatible goals (one wants to live abroad while the other wants to remain in the home country), and there is no solution.

Promises to change or attempts to bring the impossible together are pointless.

On the other hand, if the problem is due to the couple working together or having children and the stress that comes with it, there is a way to deal with this situation.

Seeking professional help or trying couples therapy can help.

Couple with therapist

“On and off” relationships are torture

We therefore have to see where the problem lies. We have to see if we take chances that will not lead us anywhere. If we are on the opposite side of the spectrum, we must learn to better deal with a particular area of ​​our lives.

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