Violence in relationships can appear in very subtle ways. These include verbal abuse: words that we may not pay much attention to, but which in reality are significant. Hidden insults, humiliation and bullying are just a few examples of this.
In this article, we share some other examples so you can learn to identify them. Then you will stop seeing them as ordinary or just part of your partner’s personality. You can not allow verbal abuse, no matter who it comes from.
Clear verbal abuse in couple relationships
There are some types of verbal abuse in relationships that you may not want to see. In some cases, you accept them as something that has always been the case.
These types of verbal abuse include:
- To make fun of someone in a way that tries to humiliate them. This may include the use of diminutives to disguise it, for example: “It is easy to see that you are coming from a small place.”
- To draw attention to other people’s attributes: “Wow, such a nice body, that’s the kind of body I like.”
- To deliberately lie about all sorts of things, even if they are not important: “I did not leave the keys there.”
These are some of the types of verbal abuse that can come to us and that we are not ready to respond to. In fact, it is very possible that we allow such reactions in our relationship because we have seen this in the most important relationship we had as a role model: our parents’ relationship.
However, in order to realize that this verbal abuse is happening, we need to be aware of our emotions. Do you feel OK? Do you notice that your self-esteem has been trampled on?
Emotional blackmail is a form of verbal abuse that aims to manipulate the other person. The goal? Getting something, or just achieving some form of satisfaction from the feeling of controlling the other person in the relationship. Using very subtle wording, this approach tries to make the other person feel guilty.
As you can see, if there is emotional blackmail in a relationship, there is no love. Instead, it is manipulation: the desire to control and use the other person. Within the scope of emotional blackmail, there is a technique known today as ” gaslighting ” that attempts to make the other person doubt their mental abilities.
Through phrases like “I did not say that” or “you are crazy, I would never do that” , the manipulative person tries to confuse his partner and make them doubt what happened.
Your goal? To disorient the other person to gain more control over them. In fact, sometimes, if the partner gets annoyed because they know what happened and they say so, the manipulative person can take his voice away from them.
The prolonged silence that comes with ignoring a partner is also a kind of verbal abuse. In this case, the goal is to get the other person to come to them or take the first step towards a possible reconciliation. This whole section can be summed up in just one word: humiliation.
Put an end to verbal abuse
Although we do not think it’s that bad, this dynamic must be stopped. Overall, the decision to leave such a situation is based on being aware of our feelings. If you feel bad, guilty or depressed, you need to get out of it. There is no “but”. A person who uses verbal abuse in a relationship is not healthy.
No matter how much they say they love you, no matter how much they say they knew they were doing wrong, all they really want is a new opportunity to continue with the behavioral dynamics that have led you to this point in the relationship. Let’s not fool ourselves. Most likely it will not change.