Toxic love appears in many more relationships than we think. It takes these conditions along the path of bitterness and almost always leads to a future and imminent rupture.
However, this may be because we have been taught this kind of love. We have learned to accept with toxic love because of our fears, our hopes and dreams, and our somewhat misunderstood beliefs.
Today we will discuss some of the characteristics of toxic love that prevent us from feeling happy and fulfilled in our relationships.
The characteristics of toxic love
Trying to change our partner
In a toxic relationship, one partner tries to change the other person. This is because they want them to be the perfect image of the partner they have in mind.
This way they avoid accepting the other person and loving them for who they are. In a toxic relationship, what you really love is the idea that one day you will be the perfect couple you have dreamed of.
This only brings frustration. Ultimately, it is a difficult – and often impossible – task that wastes a lot of energy.
You could say that this is one of the great evils of our time. The fear of being alone and the thought that no one loves us make us emotionally dependent.
Sometimes behind this behavior, there hides a childhood full of emotional deprivation and trauma that will cause problems in future relationships.
However, emotional addiction will absorb, consume and confuse love with strong addiction.
Owning your partner is not love
This is one of the big mistakes that leads many couples along the path of bitterness.
Owning your partner and overpowering and controlling them is not love, but insecurity.
You do not belong to anyone. You are free and you must never have to find yourself in a position where someone thinks they own you.
Behind wanting to own your partner, however, there is a sense of distrust towards them. For example, you may fear that they are unfaithful or that they will break up with you.
Sometimes this uncertainty arises because you may have thoughts like these yourself. On other occasions, it is the result of a negative experience that left you injured.
They hit you when they are frustrated
Physically harming someone you “love” is never OK. No one has the right to raise their hand against you, no matter what you have done.
When your partner abuses you, not only physically but also orally, this is clear evidence that your relationship is toxic.
You need to talk about your differences. No one should be exposed to the willpower of anyone else. You must always respect each other.
You say goodbye to your friends
It is understandable that you do not see or think about your friendships as much as you used to in the first months of a relationship. This new experience attracts you, and you will know as many things as possible in a short time about the person who has caught your attention.
But when this behavior still happens after a year, or two or maybe three, the situation can be a little more difficult.
Maybe you are not going anywhere anymore if you do not take your partner with you. You may not hang out with your friends if your partner can’t come, and you meet them much less often.
This is something you may not have considered, and this is that friendship can last a lifetime if you take care of it. However, a romantic relationship sometimes has its days numbered.
Be careful, because when your relationship ends, you will want the support of your friends. But they may not be there to support you anymore.
Love based on illusions
This is the kind of toxic love that we find difficult to get rid of because it has a lot to do with the first phase of falling in love.
Expectations and illusions make us idealize our partner. But what happens after this? The things we previously ignored are starting to bother us.
Many partners do not know why their relationship changes over time. But mature love opens our eyes from the beginning and cannot be carried by expectations that are only true in our minds.
Did you identify with any of these characteristics of toxic love? Now that you know more about them, it is time to avoid falling into these habits, even if it is difficult and takes a lot of effort.